Sorry Toronto, But I Just Didn’t Get You

Toronto, it’s time we had a chat.
What is the deal with you? You are so weird.
What happened to you? Who are you trying to be?
Toronto, I just did not get you.

We went to visit you a couple of weeks ago. It had been a while I hadn’t seen you. You got bigger. Buildings sprawling at a speed faster than pimples on a teenager’s skin.

I remember when the CN Tower was the tallest structure in all of downtown. Today, anyone living in the 10 billion condos that have popped up all over the city can simply go to the roof and enjoy a better view.
So it makes me question, Toronto, what’s up with the $38.00 CAD charge to go up the tower for a simple city view. And what the fuck is up with the $225.00 CAD for a 30 minute walk on a ledge outside on top of the tower which you shamelessly call The Edge Walk?

$7.5 CAD per minute spent outside??? Really???
Yes, you do have a quite impressive skyline, I’ll admit to that. But when did you get so freaking expensive???
Come’on Toronto! You didn’t use to be this way. I should call the cops on you.

And what’s up with your near-downtown area? More specifically, Cabbagetown.
We wanted to stay close to downtown to have all the amenities close and to minimize the use of a car, so we stayed in Cabbagetown, which some Torontians even call “a nice area”.
First impressions are everything; but Toronto, you forgot to tell this to Cabbagetown.

The neighbourhood was dirty, with people shooting drugs on the streets in broad daylight. On two of the four nights we stayed in Cabbagetown, police had to close a few streets due to “disturbances”. We got so accustomed to Cabbagetown’s unsafe vibe, that we came up with a game of “guess the siren”, where we’d guess whether the siren in the streets were from a cop car, a fire truck, or an ambulance… 2 out of 3 every day. There were that many.

Toronto, I hope I’m not being too abrupt. But I wonder……where is your personality?

You’re all over the place.

Yes, you are.

Your historic center is possibly the best hidden old town in the whole world. And I don’t mean “hidden” in the hidden gem sense, but rather in the where the fuck is it? sense.
I wouldn’t have known that we were already in it if it wasn’t for Google Maps confirming we were walking right through it.

Yes, there are a few pretty brick buildings, some nice churches, but that’s about it.

The fact that your old town is hidden amidst the financial district doesn’t help its case either.
Is the area historical? Is it financial? Is it both?
Who REALLY are you Toronto?

Unimpressed by Toronto sights

Unimpressive sights of Toronto

Cathedral Church of St. James

By the way, your Chinatown is weird.
I can’t really pinpoint what exactly makes it so weird.
Maybe it’s the filth and bad smell of the street. Or maybe it’s the lack of actual Chinese restaurants and the over-flood of Cantonese and Vietnamese restaurants (not that it’s a bad thing, but maybe Chinatown is not the best name for it).
Or maybe it’s the shady massage places almost outnumbering the restaurants.
Heck, maybe it’severything.

By the way, my girlfriend and I went for a massage in Chinatown after spending a day at Niagara Falls. We thought it’d be a nice and relax way to end an exhausting day outdoors.
She left with an almost-dislocated shoulder.
She cried.
Not only because of the pain, which was unbearable for three days, but also because she’s never had such a bad experience in any city in the world.

You made my girlfriend cry Toronto. I just can’t let that pass.

I wish I had some good things to say about you Toronto, I really do. But you’re just so weird.

Maybe it’s the fact that you’re Canada‘s economic capital that has gone to your head, and it has made you so full of yourself. Or maybe you’re just still high on the crack Rob Ford left behind.

Your people are unfriendly at best, rude at worst. God forbid I ever find myself again taking a picture “on the way” of a suit walking with a David’s Tea on one hand and their healthy vegan wrap on the other.

Turn that frown upside down Toronto.

Toronto, please don’t take this the wrong way. We will probably cross paths again, in the near or far future. I hope that you’ll have figured yourself out by then. For now, I wish I could at least give you the good old it’s not you, it’s me excuse for my ranting. But Toronto….it’s definitely you.

P.S: I love the views from your harbour.

The most impressive sight in the unimpressive city of Toronto

Views from Toronto Harbour-Pier 35

Can you tell that I am just unimpressed by Toronto? For those of you who have been, how was your experience?

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